Twin Problems- Twin Mamas (and moms in general) please read and give me advice!!!!

Ok twin mamas- I NEED your help and advice.

I had a serious twin problem last night and I know it will be the first of many.

The girls had swimming lessons, now Leah is a FISH in water, but Lily is a bit more timid.  They swim ALL the time in PEI and at the cottage in the summer and Leah had improved so much that she did not need a PFD or life jacket by summer’s end.  However, Lily won’t give it enough chance to try without her safety net.  She’s nervous about “sinking” and so even though she has improved and loves the water, she’s not as advanced as Leah.

So, when we switched to the YMCA this year, they put them both in Otter (which is about 5-7 year olds).  They have only had four sessions, but their instructor, last night, promoted Leah up to the next level (seal) and gave her a badge.  She was the ONLY one in their class that got this but Lily was DEVASTATED that she was not going to be promoted with her sister.  Matt was the one who went in to sign them out, and Lily wanted to know WHY she was not promoted and what she needed to do and work on.  The poor instructor had not indicated this because she had only promoted one person, and it’s not time to tell EVERYONE what they need to work on…..but this is her twin sister.

So, Matt brought her to the instructor and asked for constructive criticism, and she told Lily that she will get there she’s a good swimmer, she just needs to keep practicing.

Well, it didn’t REALLY help and they came into the locker room and Lily was BAWLING.  It didn’t take me long to realize why, and I assured her she would get there.

She went over to her little girlfriend and said “Leah got promoted!” and I said but Lily look, your friends are STILL in the class with you, Leah is the only one moving up, so you will still be with your friends.  This FINALLY calmed her down when she realized no one else got a badge, but then Leah was worried she wouldn’t know anyone.  I assured her that she would make NEW friends and that is just as exciting.  She was content with this, but asked me if I was proud of her…..UGH!!!!  Because I had not had the chance yet to be EXCITED for her as I was busy calming Lily down.

I gave her a hug and told her how excited and proud I was, all while trying not to OVER due it so Lily wouldn’t be sad.

The trickiest thing was trying to balance it all.  Being EXCITED for Leah but not shoving it in Lily’s face that she had not been moved up as well.

In the car afterwards, once all was calm (Matt had come separately, so it was just me and the girls), I explained that we ALL learn things at different times and in different ways and that we all have different talents and things we excel at.

I used the example of biking (and scootering).  Lily was less timid on a bike and scooter than Leah was and learned at a much faster pace (Leah is STILL timid on the bike actually) and I said, but look at Leah on the scoooter now, she’s just as fast as you Lily but she wasn’t at first.  And she still isn’t on the bike but by next summer she will be.  It’s the same with swimming, you will learn and be just as fast at some point.

But also made the point that sometimes people are just better at certain things than others (because maybe Leah will always be the better swimmer and that’s ok).

I think I handled it okay, but I just felt so sad and guilty after they went to bed, worrying about how exited/not excited enough I was about Leah, and if I encouraged her AND Lily enough it either way.  #twinproblems !!!!!!

Please tell me I handled it okay, and please tell me how to continue handling these things as they are so competitive because they are in the same grade/level/activities, etc., and how to make sure they don’t resent each other because of it!!!!

Ok, there, that’s out.  Ouff.

Other than that fiasco, it was a nice evening.  The girls got dropped off at my school as Matt had an appointment, so they got to meet some of my students.  They were so shy at first, but opened up eventually.

Then we went to visit Becca in her classroom and they played on her bean bag chairs

And drew on her board.

And Lily pretended to do a speech and the lecturn as I told her that is what my students had done today.

And then we took off for Tim Hortons to grab some supper before swimming lessons.  They were so excited to eat in the restaurant, and entertained themselves with thumb wars as they waited for their dinner.

Matt had to take off super early this morning (6:15) so I didn’t get to go to the gym….so I headed downstairs and got some cardio in- an hour on the treadmill while I watched Outlander- PERFECT morning.

Lily was up at 5:30 (she heard me apparently) and Leah was up at 6- also early for her.  But they were quite content playing downstairs while I finished up.

Alright- that’s it for today….sorry for the novel and little pictures…..I was emotionally exhausted from swimming lessons hahaha.

Have a GREAT Tuesday!



Blissful Bhakti Babe

2 thoughts on “Twin Problems- Twin Mamas (and moms in general) please read and give me advice!!!!

  1. You did fine with the girls Mel. This is just the beginning, as they evolve and grow their difference strengths and weaknesses will come to light. It’s important to recognize a child when they are accomplished, and for the other to be happy for their sibling, no matter what. It’s also ok for a child to feel disappointed that they didn’t succeed as quickly as others. Being able to navigate roadblocks like this is what develops resilience, and allows our kids to learn how to cope in similar situations in the future. You got this mom!

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