I saw the letter that I’m posting below on FB the other day, and it really struck a cord with me. I feel like so much of us (moms AND dads) can relate to this, and it spans from newborns to pre-teen life of parenting. It talks about the good, the bad and the ugly and how even the bad and the ugly can be beautiful as well.
It talks about the guilt, the judgement, how to simplify, and how to recharge. It’s beautifully written and although so simple, a good and refreshing reminder. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did-
Also- I feel like the following “letter” from Hayley works with GratiTuesday really well. Being grateful doesn’t necessarily always mean being grateful JUST for the perfect things in our life, but also being grateful for the messy, imperfect moments. The moments that make us want to scream and pull our hair out but also makes us realize how lucky we really are.
(I just made up a verb- mommying……you know what I mean though, don’t you? – Mel)
This stage in life, it’s hard guys.
I’m talking right now to you moms who are in your early to mid 30’s. You have kids. Likely two, three, maybe four of them. They probably range in age from newborns to 7 or 8 year-olds. (Give or take a few, on all of the above mentioned stats).
In this stage of life, you are dealing with exhaustion. Mental, physical, and emotional.
In this stage of life, you are dealing with teething. With ear infections. With stomach viruses. You are juggling nap schedules, and feeding schedules and soccer schedules. A million balls you are juggling, and you probably feel like you are dropping most of them.
In this stage of life, you are dealing with guilt. Guilt over having a career, and not spending enough time with your kids, or guilt over staying home with your kids, and not doing enough to contribute financially. Guilt over being too harsh with your kids. Too lenient. Guilt that your house is clean, but your kids were ignored, or guilt that you enjoyed your children all day, and now your husband is coming home to filth. Guilt.
In this stage of life, you are bombarded daily with a whole host of decisions. Some of them life-changing, some of them not. None of them with clear cut answers. Do I vaccinate my kids? Do I not? Do I send them to public school? Homeschool? Charter school? Do I continue to breastfeed? Do I blow the budget so that I can buy all organic? Do I force my child to apologize, even though the apology will be insincere? You don’t know the answers to ANYTHING, but you feel constant pressure to figure out EVERYTHING.
This stage of life is less and less about watching your friends get married and have babies, and more and more about standing by and witnessing your friends struggle in their marriage, and even get divorced. It’s a stage where you’ve got to put in the time and the effort and the work and the energy to make sure your OWN marriage stays healthy. And that’s good, but it’s hard, too. At this point, you or someone you know has experienced infertility. Miscarriages. Loss of a child.
It’s a stage where you are buying houses, selling houses, remodeling houses, packing up houses. And then you do it all again a few years later.
It’s a stage where your hormones are all of of whack. I mean, you’ve basically been pregnant, postpartum, or breastfeeding for the last ten years, right?
It’s a stage where you are struggling with identity. Is my entire identity “mommy”? Is there anything even left of me that isn’t about mothering? Is there something more glamorous I could have/should have done with my life? I LOOK like a mom now, don’t I? I totally do.
It’s a stage where you are on a constant quest for balance, and can never find it.
It’s a stage of life where you are overloaded. Constantly. You are overloaded with questions. Your children never stop asking them. You are overloaded with touch. Someone is constantly wanting to be held, holding on to you, hanging on you, touching you. You are overloaded with to-do’s. There is so much to do. It never ends. You are overloaded with worry. You are overloaded with THINGS. Your kids have way too many toys. You are overloaded with activities. You are overloaded with THOUGHTS (thoughts about how to not be so overloaded, perhaps?).
So….what do you need to do to survive it all?
You need to ask for help.
You need to accept help when it’s given.
You need to not neglect your marriage. You need to put your kids down for bed early. Sit outside on the back porch with your husband, drink a glass of wine, and have a conversation.
You need girlfriends.
You need your mom.
You need older friends, who have been there and done that. Who can reassure you that you AREN’T screwing it all up as badly as you think you are.
You need to not feel bad about using your kids nap time every now and again to just do whatever the heck you want.
You need to lower your expectations….then probably lower them again.
You need to simplify. Simplify every single part of your life, as much as it can be simplified.
You need to learn how to say “no”.
You need to practice contentment
You need to be ok leaving your kids overnight, and going away somewhere. Anywhere.
You need to do something you enjoy, every day, even if it’s for no more than 15 minutes.
You need to pray. Girl, you need to pray.
You need a coffee you love, a wine you love, and a bubble bath that you love.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, you need to remember that…..
….this stage of life is beautiful, too. Like, really really beautiful. This is the stage of life where every single older person you ever meet tells you, “you’re going to miss this”. And you already know it’s true. It’s the stage where your kids love you more than they are EVER going to love you again, for the whole rest of your life. It’s the stage where they can fit their entire selves into your lap to snuggle…and they want to. It’s the stage where their biggest problems ARE ear infections and teething and stomach viruses, and you’re not having to deal yet with things like broken hearts or addiction or bullying. It’s the stage where you are learning to love your spouse in an entirely different….harder…..better…. way. The stage where you are learning together, being stretched together, shedding your selfishness together, and TRULY being made into “one”. It’s the stage where you get to see Christmas, Halloween and the Fourth of July through your kids eyes, and it’s so much more fun and magical than it would be just through your own eyes. It’s the stage where you get to watch your parents be grandparents…and they’re really good at it. It’s the stage of life filled with field trips, class parties, costumes, swim lessons, bubble baths, dance parties, loose teeth, and first steps. And those things are so fun. It’s the stage where you are young enough to have fun, and old enough to have obtained at least SOME wisdom. It’s SUCH a great stage.
But, man it’s hard.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, if it hit home, or irked you perhaps?
We had a simple evening. Got home and had supper and then prepared for swimming. I was super happy and impressed with Matt, as he had supper cooked before I even got home. Potatoes, brocoli, cucumber and STEAK! One of the things I found out by seeing this doctor is that my iron is at 8.3 where for women it is supposed to be between 50-60….so I have a depleted storage and this is why I’m crashing in the afternoon. So, a steak is JUST what I needed!
We missed swimming last week as it was a holiday, so the girls were pretty excited to get back into the pool. Matt stayed home to get his bike ride in, so it was just the girls.
Then we headed home and had a quiet evening at home. With cuddles, story time and early bedtimes. The girls and I were all cold, so we bundled up in our housecoats and cuddled on the couch.
Also- I have had SnapChat on my phone for about five years….only using it occasionally and for certain people. However, in the last six months, it gets FREQUENT use….the girls are OBSESSED with it, so we had some fun.
Also- this reminds me of when I was a child and had cute freckles until my acne ate them!
Slowing down is something we all need this week in our family as we have felt like the month of September and October have been insanely busy and packed (as they usually are). So, here’s to hopefully a slower and quieter couple of weeks!
Alright, I hope you have a fabulous Tuesday!
Blissful Bhakti Babe